I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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