He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
