break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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