i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
