that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
