Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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