Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize