dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
