JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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