he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
