I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
