Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
