I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
