She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
