we're blogging at a bar
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
