just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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