am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
