How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
