I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
