hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
