i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
