there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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