It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
