Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
