I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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