I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
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It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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