We named our party play list daddy issues
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
