I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
