best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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