So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
