You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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