i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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