Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
