I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
