Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
