I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
