just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
