Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
