you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Pants are for mortals
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
