We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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