I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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