Midget sex pt 2 tonight
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
