u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
