I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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