It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
