i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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