All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
