What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
