I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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