No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Acid is not a monday night drug
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
whose parrot is this?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
