I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i came on her dog
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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