you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
