Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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