why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
