i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
