she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
