kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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