Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
