So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
