i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
