I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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