If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
