she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
