He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
