Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
