I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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