hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize