I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
